Thursday, December 29, 2011

Times (Herald) Foolery

At least now we know why the Times Herald's Stan Huskey became an editor: it was very clear he'd never make it as a poet.

As evidence, we present Stan's latest salvo in the never-ending "We know Matthews is a crook, we just need some new laws to prove it" mission - in which he attempts to rhyme his way to some sort of point. Not only does he fail to make his point, he also fails to make a rhyme in most cases. For example, take these final six lines of his "Twas the Day After Christmas" doggerel:

Pay to play has been touted as an onerous offense
But apparently the evidence is easy to rinse
Campaign finances are easily spent
On your car, your club or possibly your rent
So here’s to a happy Christmas to all
A time to take umbrage begins with this night

I rest my case.

I also humbly present my rebuttal to the Huskey malarkey, for better or verse. With the late Nat King Cole doing the vocals, I give you "Huskey Burning with an Open Ire", otherwise known as "The Day After Christmas Song":

Huskey burning with an open ire
Like he’d been punched in the nose
Still can’t believe that Matthews the Liar
Is not the crook he thinks he knows.
He really thinks it blows
And so he writes and writes and writes
And hopes to one day to change the laws
Thinks that new rules will make it all right
And fix the county’s many flaws
But please, let us pause
And think about what’s really wrong
With news so biased and obsessed
Skewed and distorted reporting allowed
From Tea Party Phucas and the rest
Who ever could have guessed
This once-great paper falls so low
It acts so very like Fox News
Although it’s been said, many times many ways
It’s the readers who lose.

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